


What Would YOU Give?

by Lady_Blade_WarAngel



Series: Crack Fic Madness One-Shots! [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Complete crack, Gen, Naruto Asking Questions, Sasuke is Really Confused, The Flying Car Parody, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 23:39:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4325247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Blade_WarAngel/pseuds/Lady_Blade_WarAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto and Sasuke are waiting for Kakashi to show up for their training session. Sakura is having a sick day, and Naruto asks Sasuke a question...</p><p>What would you give for a weapon to kill Itachi?</p><p>Madness ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Would YOU Give?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I wrote this after watching this anime parody video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MymPcoVQgjE
> 
> It cracks me up, and this little ficlet bounced it's way into my head. LOL! I hope you enjoy it.

What Would You Give?

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Sasuke and Naruto were sat in team seven’s usual training ground, eating lunch. Naruto had a rather evil look on his face. Sasuke was starting to get bothered, even though he would never show it. He was an Uchiha after all.

“What’s wrong with you Dobe?” Sasuke asked. Naruto grinned at him.

“Nothing.” He replied.

“Where’s Sakura?” Sasuke asked.

“Oh, Sakura got the flu.” Naruto replied. Sasuke knew better then to ask about Kakashi. After all, Kakashi was always late. Naruto turned to look at Sasuke curiously.

“You know it’s times like this when I wonder if Kakashi-Sensei is training us enough.” Naruto stated.

“What are you talking about Naruto?” Sasuke asked. More than a little confused by Naruto’s strange behaviour.

“Well, after all, we should be pretty strong right now. Yet you still haven’t killed your brother.” Naruto replied.

“This had better be going somewhere Dobe.” Sasuke hissed angrily.

“Of course it is. What I’m saying is that if there was a fantastic weapon that could destroy your brother, what would you give to get that weapon?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke thought about it for a moment.

 _“A weapon that can kill Itachi?”_ Sasuke thought. “What are you talking about Naruto?” Sasuke asked, for the second time that day.

“Say, _Orochimaru_ for example, came up to you and said _‘Sasuke I have the ultimate weapon. It can kill Itachi. I will give it to you on one condition.’_ What would you say?” Naruto asked. Mimicking Orochimaru’s voice perfectly. Sasuke wasn’t sure whether he should be disturbed by this or not.

“What’s the condition?” Sasuke asked suspiciously.

“He’s not gonna tell you.” Naruto replied.

“There is no way I’m making a deal with _Orochimaru_ without knowing the catch.” Sasuke stated.

“But it’s for a weapon that can kill your brother and avenge your clan! I figured you’d want that!” Naruto exclaimed.

“Not until I know what the condition is.” Sasuke replied.

“Okay I’ll tell ya. He wants to take one of your ears.” Naruto stated.

“What the fuck? What the heck would he want with my ear?” Sasuke asked.

“He has a fetish for Uchiha, and ears, so he’ll create a retard clone out of it and use the ear in his alone time.” Naruto replied. Sasuke blinked.

“What the hell? Where do you come up with this crap?” Sasuke asked.

“Are you gonna go through with the deal or not?” Naruto asked.

“It’s my ear! What the hell am I going to do with only one ear?” Sasuke asked.

“After you kill your brother you’ll be able to go and get Tsunade Baa-Chan to make you loads of fake ears.” Naruto replied.

“Which ear?” Sasuke asked.

“Your choice.” Naruto replied.

“Okay, I’ll trade my left ear for the ultimate weapon to kill my brother.” Sasuke stated.

“Are you sure?” Naruto asked.

“Yes Dobe I’m sure.” Sasuke replied.

“You can’t chicken out.” Naruto added.

“I’ve never chickened out!” Sasuke exclaimed.

“Because the whole world is counting on you to finish off Itachi, including me, coz he wants Kyubi.” Naruto replied.

“Okay I get it.” Sasuke said.

“So you’re definitely going through with the deal?” Naruto asked.

“I said I was didn’t I?” Sasuke hissed.

“Okay?” Naruto questioned. He sounded worried.

“What? What’s up?” Sasuke asked.

“It’s just that he’s planning to hack off your ear with a meat cleaver.” Naruto said.

“WHAT!” Sasuke yelled.

“With no Anaesthetic.” Naruto added.

“Screw that!” Sasuke yelled.

“Don’t be such a baby Sasuke. It’s only while he’s hacking the ear off. Then he’ll give you a local and cauterise the wound.” Naruto said.

“What! Why can’t he give me the damn local before he hacks off my ear?” Sasuke asked.

“Because Orochimaru is a sick, degenerate sadist, who loves to see people in pain. Besides this weapon would kill your brother!” Naruto replied.

Sasuke sighed and stood up to lean against a tree.

“Okay, as long as I get the local when he’s finished cutting.” Sasuke stated. Naruto stood up too.

“Are you sure you want the local?” Naruto asked.

“Who am I? Rock Lee and Gai? Of course I want the damn Local.” Sasuke replied.

“Okay?” Naruto said, in the worried voice again. Sasuke blinked.

“What’s the problem now?” Sasuke asked.

“It’s just that the Local he gives you will knock you out and then he’ll hump you like Akamaru used to hump legs.” Naruto replied.

“WHAT?” Sasuke yelled.

“That’s not all, once he’s done he’ll let Kabuto and his other weirdoes have a crack at you too.” Naruto added.

“Oh **_Hell_** No! The deal is off. There is no way I’m doing that!” Sasuke yelled.

“What, but this is for the ultimate weapon. You agreed to the deal?” Naruto questioned. Sasuke glared.

“I agreed to give my left ear for the ultimate weapon. Not to be tortured and molested by Orochimaru, Kabuto and whoever else happens to want a piece of my ass at the time!” Sasuke yelled.

“See, you’re what’s wrong with this village, heck with the whole five nations! People like you who are on the verge of their revenge and all round happiness, but are too afraid to take the plunge. You’ll forever be remembered as a sad footnote in Konoha’s history as the last Uchiha that could have avenged his family’s terrible slaughter, but opted to cover his own ass, and ear instead!” Naruto exclaimed.

 ** _“Alright!”_** Sasuke yelled. Naruto looked at him.

“Okay, I’ll go through with the deal. I’ll let Orochimaru hack off my left ear, and get molested by a bunch of perverts all for the ultimate weapon to kill my brother and avenge my clan.” Sasuke replied sarcastically.

Naruto blinked and looked at Sasuke in shock.

“You’d do it with a bunch of guys to get a weapon?” Naruto asked. Sasuke stared back at him, confused. “I thought I knew you Teme.” Naruto said. Then he started to walk off. Sasuke looked at Naruto’s retreating back.

“Naruto _you Asshole!_ You’re the one who started this God damn conversation! What am I gonna tell Kakashi when he gets here and you’re not here!?” Sasuke yelled.

“Tell him my best friend scarred me for life!” Naruto yelled back. Sasuke glared.

“Idiot.” Sasuke said, as he ran off to catch up with Naruto.

Out of the shadows, Kakashi appeared suddenly looking pensive.

“I owe Naruto Ramen for a month now. I never thought Sasuke would go for that.” Kakashi stated to himself, as he pulled his orange book out from nowhere and began to read, giggling to himself like a perverted girl.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, thank for reading, if you managed to get through all of this crap. LOL! I hope it made you laugh.


End file.
